The means justifies the end.

I'm not going to sit here and spew some rubbish about how I've fully accepted Friedreich's Ataxia. I've merely come to terms and learnt how to deal with it. I don't believe anyone fully accepts FA. How can you? Something that gets harder and attacks your body over time. Acceptance of FA is an on going thing, it's forever changing, you're constantly trying to figure out new ways to do things. Little by little your body seems to cooperate less and less. Its frustration is almost over-powering. 

However, it will be with me forever and that isn't going to change. I have to deal with it. I don't want FA to win and I don't want it to define me. It is a part of who I am, but it is not who I am. 

When I was diagnosed with FA, at age 15, I was really naive about the world. Petrified and in denial. I didn't want to be classed as disabled, hated using my wheelchair and more than anything, hated receiving help off of people. Now, being 21 soon, I have let FA into my life, sort of like my best friend/enemy rolled into one. I detest it. But at the same time it's all I know. I've only been diagnosed for 6 years but I have had symptoms for around 13 years, deep down I always knew something was wrong and I guess that made it a whole lot easier when I was actually diagnosed. Don't get me wrong, I was absolutely distraught, but also relieved about finally finding out what was wrong. All I had to do then was learn to live with it.

Six years on and I don't feel all that differently about FA, I'm still scared for my future. I've just learnt that "If you can't beat it, join it." Well, not that I'm joining FA in the battle to attack my body. I mean I'm working with it, living with it, dealing with it. If you can't change something, embrace it, right? I am no longer bothered about using a wheelchair, what people think of me or how I come across to strangers. Because they're the people who judge, random people, who don't know me and never will. So I really could not care less about them. As everyone else shouldn't. 

With Friedreich's Ataxia, I wanted to mourn when I gave up walking indoors. I feel for the loss of things my body can't do anymore. I no longer walk, I can walk a few steps holding onto someone/something. But avoid doing this as it is just too tiring and tedious. It's like your mind and body know exactly what to do but your body parts just don't want to do it. No matter how much you fight or exercise, Ataxia will take away your ability to walk. 

If I had the option to never have had FA or receive a cure for it now, I'd chose to receive a cure now. Even though these past 6 years have been difficult, I have met some of the best people I'll probably ever meet. If you asked me if I'd cure Ataxia for myself or someone else, I'd choose someone else.. As long as I got to choose the person to cure, haha! I wouldn't be who I am today without FA and I am pretty damn proud of myself. Obviously, if a cure became available, I'd take it! But I'd rather one of the FAmily have it. There are so many good, talented, strong, and brave people cursed with this disability, that don't deserve it. 

I often count my blessings, I have a good life with amazing people in it, amazing animals, I can do whatever I want, I can go wherever I want and I can live however I want!